MUSIC & NIGHTLIFE Features
Where You’ll Want To Be When Nature Calls
Okay, here’s what you may be thinking: it’s just a dunny. Who gives a crap as long as it’s not the fabled Australian outback dunny with killer snakes and spiders lurking in the toilet bowl—which, lets be real Sydneysiders, you are never, ever going to encounter that nightmare in this concrete jungle. Why would I need to know the best places to be when nature calls?
But you should care! You spend one and a half years of your life in the bathroom with the average person making a pit stop six times a day. Wouldn’t you at least want one of those six times to be in an awesome atmosphere? Apart from the obvious perks (i.e. fresh smell, doors that lock, hand towels), we’re talking about show-stopping, conversation-starting loos. And don’t worry, you won’t need to borrow a key from the waitress to use these toilets (seriously though, who even uses that archaic system anymore).
Well, here’s your chance to digest indispensable knowledge on where you’ll actually want to be when nature calls. Just remember to flush after reading.
18 Argyle Street
The Rocks, 2000
If the thought of unisex bathrooms à la Ally McBeal excites you, then head to the Argyle. But be prepared for a long queue on a busy Friday or Saturday night. As soon as you walk in, you’ll notice cubicles with fancy frosted doors that line both sides of the open room. But you’ll find the main attraction will be at the rear of the room. You’ll think you’ve stepped into a utopian toilet with the illuminating alien-like 1.8 metre glass pods. A note to the ladies, this one’s just for the stand up guys, so don’t try for a cheeky look.
Kingston Public Bar and Kitchen
62-64 King Street
When the outside sign reads “nothing to see here”, whatever you do, you do not move along. This should be a clear indicator to you that something sinister is going on inside and you definitely want to be a part of the fun. Here you’ll find delicious small-batch wines and craft brews paired with an interesting menu, etcetera etcetera. But you won’t want to miss the photography on display in the toilets. To keep this PG-rated, let’s just say, they are very eye-catching, toilet inspiring, and largely wang-themed. This one’s not for the prudish.
Steel Bar and Grill
Shop 2, Ground Level, 60 Carrington Street
As the name implies, this is one of the most alloy-covered restaurant in Sydney; think steel mesh, concrete walls, glass doors, and industrial ceiling. When doody calls, you might think you’ve walked into a whacky sci-fi film circa 1960. Welcome to outer space: wall-to-floor tiling meets heavy doors and gigantic glowing egg lights nest under the sinks. The best part is that every basin has screen inset that plays Pretty Woman on loop. Ladies, we won’t blame you if you stay in there just a little too long. But your date might wonder where you’ve gone. You won’t want to miss this one; it would be a big mistake. Big. Huge.
4/256 Crown Street
It’s the rootnest, tootinest saloon in the wild Surry Hills. Shady Pines is a small bar filled with taxidermy of deer and buffalo adorned around the wood-themed room. Their specialty is whisky and craft beers, no doubt ya’ll be having a hog-killin’ time. And when you’re ready to use your six shooter, cowboys, the bathroom will transport you back to the Old American West. Resembling a fancier version of an outhouse, these dimly lit bathrooms feature wooden pull chain toilets and antique fixtures. Ride on down and check out this watering hole.
55 York Street
Sydneysiders love a good speakeasy; perhaps it reminds us of our ancestors living during the prohibition or perhaps it’s just the fact that hipsters flock to anything remotely underground—literally. Japanese whisky and Chinese dumplings, yes please! Do I have you wonton more? Well what if I told you that you could do your business and learn to speak mandarin at the same time? The beautifully adorned bathroom plays a voice recording of English to Mandarin translations. And the sinks in the bathrooms are even made out of painted woks. You won’t want to wok out of this one any time soon.
We know you’ll be tempted to hang out in the bathroom, but you don’t want to get a name for yourself… George Michael we’re looking at you. And if you’re ever in dire need for a relief map, just use the public toilet map. Deuces.
Writer – Melissa C.